


you get me so high

by zileunq



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Yamaguchi Tadashi, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marijuana, References to Depression, Sad Yamaguchi Tadashi, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Yamaguchi Tadashi-centric, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27959120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zileunq/pseuds/zileunq
Summary: Yamaguchi tries to escape reality.*triggers in tags*
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yachi Hitoka & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yamaguchi Tadashi & Karasuno Volleyball Club
Comments: 1
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if some parts of Yamaguchi's addiction is unrealistic. I wrote about my own experiences, and what I didn't know, I searched up. I only post my fics through Ao3. Hope you enjoy <3

Yamaguchi was a kind person. Fact.

Yamaguchi was kind to himself. _Not_ a fact.

The shower was running, almost as hot as it could get. He sat on the floor of his bathroom, cross legged. His back hit the cold tile wall. It gave him goosebumps. He kept his back on the wall.

He was only in his boxers. It was a bird print. Yamaguchi liked birds. They could go anywhere they wanted. 

Yamaguchi searched around him.

_Shit._

He forgot the weed.

Yamaguchi opened the bathroom door and walked down the hallway into his room. His room was boring. Nothing but furniture, plants, and polaroids of him and Karasuno. Yamaguchi went into his closet, into a small drawer towards the back, and reached into his stash until he found what he was looking for. Yamaguchi grabbed a small ziploc bag and a lighter. 

He walked back to the bathroom. At this point, the mirror was so foggy, that all he saw were colors when trying to look at his reflection.

Yammaguchi sat back on the floor and took out one of the few already-rolled joints. He put the weed between his lips, and lit it on fire.

He inhaled, closed his eyes, and breathed out.

It was a problem. He knew that. But he just loved feeling like he was on top of the world, like nothing could hurt him. Even though coming down from the high sucks, Yamaguchi couldn’t stop.

And besides, Yamaguchi loved the thrill. He does.

His joint got shorter with each breath. How did he get here, Laying on a bathroom floor, half-naked, smoking and getting high just to feel something? He laughed. He’s so _stupid._

_Naive little Yamaguchi, who will make it nowhere in life, who will grow up to be a druggie, who will lose all the only friends who actually cared about him. Fuck._

He didn’t give a shit about them. They’ll leave, just when they realize how useless he is. Yamaguchi closed his eyes, scoffed at himself, and fell asleep, with the joint still lit between his fingers.

\---

A ring woke him up. He reached across tiles until he felt it. He turned on the screen, squinting his eyes from the brightness.

_Wednesday, 7:37 am. Call from_ **Tsukki :)**

Yamaguchi realized that he fell asleep through the entire night in the bathroom. Good thing his mom wasn’t coming back until Friday. He accepted the call, back still in contact with the cold floor. He put his phone up to his ear, and tried to sound as normal as he could. His head ached.

“Hey Tsukki!” Yamaguchi winced at how raspy his voice was.

“Yamaguchi. I’m outside. Where are you?” 

_Oh shit. Stupid! How could you forget something as simple as school?_

“Oh- yeah- sorry Tsukki, go on without me,” Yamaguchi paused. “I woke up late, guess my alarm wasn’t working.” He forced a laugh.

“I’ll just wait.”

“No, d-”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi. I’m waiting.”

Yamaguchi suddenly felt pressured. He stood up, but felt a flash of pain from his headache. He groaned. Yamaguchi immediately gasped because not a second later, he realized that he was still on the call with Tsukishima.

“Er- sorry, come in, don’t wait outside. Wait for me in the living room, okay?” Tsukishima has his own key to Yamaguchi’s house and vice versa. Yamaguchi came up with the idea, of course. It felt like a token of friendship.

“Okay. See you.” Tsukishima said, and hung up.

Yamaguchi rushed to his closet and took out his uniform. He quickly put it on, and looked at the time. 15 minutes before school starts. He doesn’t have time for anything else. Yamaguchi took a piece of gum from his school bag and plopped it into his mouth. He rushed out of his room, into the living room. His heart felt like it was going to run away.

Tsukishima had his headphones on, but as soon as they made eye contact, he took them off and let them hang from his neck. 

“Morning, Yamaguchi.”

“Hi, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi greeted. He put on a smile. “Let’s go!”

\---

“Your eyes are red.” Tsukishima stated.

Yamaguchi felt his heart leap out of his chest. “I..” He chuckled nervously and scratched his cheek. “I stayed up all night, and only got a few hours of sleep, so that must be why.”

“Why couldn’t you sleep?” Tsukishima asked, eyes staring straight ahead as the school got closer. 

Yamaguchi panicked. Suddenly, his stupid brain couldn’t think of a reply.

“Uh… I don’t know.”

All Tsukishima replied with was a hum of acknowledgement before they entered the school.

\---

By the time it was practice, Yamaguchi felt the aftermath of the high.

He was tired. Not exactly physically, but mentally. There was a buzzing in his ears and fog in his mind. He just wanted to feel euphoric again. He could tell that the team knew something was up with him, but he was just too tired to do anything. Yamaguchi was smiling less, and wasn’t practicing with as much effort as he usually did.

“Are you okay, Yamaguchi? You seem out of it today,” Yachi said to him on the bench.

_Yes. I’m doing great._

Was what Yamaguchi wanted to say. But he was too tired. He felt paralyzed. He rested his head on Yachi’s shoulders. He didn’t care. He just needed a break.

Yachi let out a small squeal as she felt Yamaguchi’s head on her shoulder, and looked around the gym. A few seconds later, she made eye contact with Tsukishima, who was already on his way over to them. Hinata wondered where Tsukishima was going, and saw Yamaguchi leaning on Yachi’s shoulder. Hinata gasped dramatically and ran over to them. This caught the eyes of their other teammates.

“I’m bringing him home.” Tsukishima said with the same poker face he always had on. He tapped Yamaguchi on the shoulder.

“Hm?” Yamaguchi said.

“You’re out of it. We’re going home.”

Yamaguchi giggled. “Whatever you say.”

Tsukishima tried to support Yamaguchi, but couldn’t hold up all his weight the whole way back to his house. “Shit.” Tsukishima said. He led Yamaguchi to sit back down on the bench. Yamaguchi’s eyes were half-lidded, and most of their teammates were looking at them.

“I guess you guys will just have to stay here for a bit longer then.” Yachi said, looking concerned.

“Tch.” Tsukishima sat down next to Yamaguchi, who closed his eyes.

“Don’t worry!” Hinata reassured, “He probably was up all night!”

Yamaguchi groaned, his face scrunching up. He opened his eyes the same time he said, “I need a joint.”

And it was silent, besides a few stutters.

“Uh..” Yamaguchi realized what he said, eyes widening. “I- I’m joking?”

“You smoke?” Tanaka exclaimed. “Jeez, tell a dude next time, we could totally smoke together! I could’ve never guessed that you, of all people, smoke!”

“No, I don’t. I-”

“So that’s why you had red eyes this morning.” 

Yamaguchi turned to Tsukishima, speechless. He finally said, “Yeah.” His cheeks flushed hot. 

_Am I having a heart attack right now? Stupid, stupid stupid._

“I can’t stop.” He whispered.

“Why not?” Tsukishima said softly, locking eyes with Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi loved his eyes.

Tsukishima turned away.

“I’m addicted.” Yamaguchi started. “I began last year, when my mom started going on more and more trips to who-knows-where, and I loved the feeling of being on top of the world, and that nothing can hurt me. And now, I need it every day to keep that happiness.” Yamaguchi sniffled. He’d never felt more vulnerable in his life. 

“Oh, Yamaguchi.” Yachi said, and then she embraced him into a hug.

Hinata and Tanaka were giving Yamaguchi something like puppy dog eyes, giving him compliments and praise. Tsukishima placed his hand on the top of Yamaguchi’s head. Yamaguchi leaned into him.

“I just wanted to feel good,” Yamaguchi mumbled.

“I know,” Tsukishima replied. “I’m sorry.” He then said in a softer tone. 

Yamaguchi looked up at him. “Don’t be sorry, Tsukki.” He gave him a soft smile. 

“I didn’t realize. You’re the only person who cares so much about me, and I want you to be happy.” 

Yamaguchi could’ve sworn Tsukishima was blushing. He pushed that thought away.

“It’s okay. I should've told you.” Yamaguchi said, burying his head into Tsukishima’s shirt. Tsukishima rested his chin on Yamaguchi's head, wrapping his arm around his back.

Yamaguchi’s problems didn’t really seem close to being solved, but all he wanted was to be cared for. And at that moment he felt it, being held. He smiled and let a giggle out into Tsukishima's chest.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you want to do something once, you'll want to do it twice.

It’s March. Only five months ago Tsukishima and the rest of the team found out Yamaguchi was getting high on weed. Only two months ago Yamaguchi finally threw away his stash.

He wished he hadn’t. He wouldn’t have to go through the pain of withdrawal. Maybe now he wouldn’t be asking his plug (who he hasn't texted in months) for something stronger.

He was back to where he started. And he was disgusted with himself. His mom was too. This time, she wasn’t coming back home for a few weeks. Yamaguchi laughed. His own mother didn’t even want to be with him. Yamaguchi looked at his phone.

**[Yamaguchi] Heyyy**

**[--] Wow  
I haven’t heard from u in a while. What’s up?**

**[Yamaguchi] Sorry I stopped for a while and now I need something stronger**

**[--] Sure thing what r u looking for?**

**[Yamaguchi] Molly?**

**[--] Lmfao I never took you for someone who would take MDMA  
I’ll meet you by the spot around your school tommorow  
At 5?**

**[Yamaguchi] Yep how much?**

**[--] $30 for a gram  
A special discount for my friend ;)**

**[Yamaguchi] Omg tysm I really appreciate it  
See you tomorrow!**

**[--] See ya**

\---

Yamaguchi was anxious during practice. He needed the ecstasy, now. But he had to make sure nobody was suspicious of him, and wouldn’t know that he’s gone. Yamaguchi took a drink of water at the bench, his right leg fidgeting. He checked his phone every few minutes. 

_Ding._

Yamaguchi quickly looked at his screen.

**[--] Here**

**[Yamaguchi] Coming!**

Yamaguchi went up to Takeda and Ukai. “Can I use the bathroom?” 

“Of course, Yamaguchi!” Takeda said, smiling.

“Thanks.” Yamaguchi said, hurriedly walking to the door and to the field across the school.

Yamaguchi speeded up when he saw the man. When they were face to face, Yamaguchi took out his money, and the man took out a small clear bag of the pills. They exchanged what they had. 

“Thank you so much.” Yamaguchi sighed.

“Pleasure.” The man grinned. He patted Yamaguchi’s shoulder before he started to walk away. “Well, I gotta drop off some more stuff. I hope we’ll catch up some more later.”

“Bye!” Yamaguchi waved, and then turned around, stuffing the plastic bag into his pocket.

Yamaguchi walked (more like ran) to the bathroom and took out a pill. He plopped one into his mouth, and grabbed a handful of the water from the sink to wash it down. He looked at himself in the mirror.

_Pathetic._

He could pretty much hear the voice in his head laughing at him.

\---

Yamaguchi felt the effects just 30 minutes after. 

He was sweating. And the gym lights felt so bright. He kept laughing.

He felt on top of the world. Indestructible.

“Oh wow,” Yamaguchi said, to no one at all. He sat on the bench, tilting his head up to look at the lights on the ceiling. He wished he was a roof. Stable.

Yamaguchi stood up and wobbled to the end of the net on the other side of the gym. He looked around for his best friend. “Tsukki!” He shouted. He turned around, and bumped into a wall. No- not a wall. “Tsukki!” Yamaguchi said, laughing. “You’re too tall.” 

“What’s wrong with you?” Tsukishima said.

“Oh… nothing.” Yamaguchi then placed a pointer finger on Tsukishima’s lips and grinned, showing off his teeth.. “Shhh.”

Tsukishima froze. Then he turned around.

“Yamaguchi, come with me.”

Tsukishima led Yamaguchi to an empty bench. 

“Are you high?”

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened. “No!” Yamaguchi stood up. Too suddenly. He wobbled, and fell back onto the bench. 

“What is that?” Tsukishima demanded. He sounded a lot scarier. He pointed to the bag next to yamaguchi’s feet. Yamaguchi turned his head so fast he got whiplash. He set his eyes on the spot Tsukishima pointed at.

Oh, fuck.

Yamaguchi dropped his pills when he stood up.

“Um- Tsu-”

“Why?” Tsukishima interjected. “What’s wrong?”

Yamaguchi looked into Tsukishima's eyes. Tsukishima was concerned. Yamaguchi hated when people were concerned about him.

“I-” Yamaguchi took a shuddering breath, chuckling nervously. “I- I guess I relapsed.”

And Tsukishima embraced Yamaguchi, wrapping both of his arms around him.

“I’m sorry,” Yamaguchi whispered. His lower lip wavered.

“Don’t be sorry,”

“Still-”

“Don’t.”

“Okay.”

Yamaguchi was tired, so he closed his eyes.

\---

Yamaguchi woke up with someone shaking his shoulder.

“-uchi.”

“-maguchi.”

“-up.”

Yamaguchi slowly opened his eyes, still feeling the high. It’ll probably wear off in about another hour or two.

“Yamaguchi. Wake up. We’re going home now.”

Yamaguchi looked up at the blonde in front of him, and stood up. Tsukishima kept his hand on his shoulder the entire walk to his house.

Throughout the entire walk, Yamaguchi felt the concerned states of his teammates, but everytime he made eye contact with one of them, they looked away. Tsukishima glared at whoever looked at him.

When Tsukishima and Yamaguchi made it to Yamaguchi’s house, Karasuno said their goodbyes.

“See you guys tomorrow!”

“Bye!”

“Bye Yamaguchi! Bye Tsukishima!”

“Good night!”

Tsukishima had his own key to Yamaguchi’s house. Yamaguchi’s parents gave it to him just in case anything happened. Like this. Tsukishima unlocked the door, and led Yamaguchi up the stairs to his room. He guided him towards the bed. 

“I’m staying overnight.”

Yamaguchi took a while to hear and respond to that. “But-” He started.

“I don’t care.”

Yamaguchi shut his mouth. They sat next to each other on the edge of the bed. He realized how close their legs were. Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima. His soft, blonde hair, pretty eyes, dark glasses. He wondered what it would feel like to kiss a boy. To kiss Tsukishima. 

Yamaguchi broke out of his trance and laid his back on the bed. It was silent. And Yamaguchi hated silence. So he spoke.

“Tsukki…” He whispered. Tsukishima turned his body to look at Yamaguchi. He hummed. Yamaguchi continued. “I just wanted to feel good.” 

“I understand.” Tsukkishima said, quietly. “But there’s other ways to get a rush without hurting your body.”

“Like what?” Yamaguchi said.

Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima, waiting for him to answer. Tsukishima collected his thoughts. He said, “Like… screaming.”

Yamaguchi giggled. “You scream Tsukki?”

“In my head.”

“Maybe we should do it out loud.”

“Maybe when I feel like it.”

Yamaguchi laughed and tilted his head. Tsukishima smiled and raised and they made eye contact. Yamaguchi sat up, and they faced each other. Tsukishima slightly raised an eyebrow. 

_His eyes are so gold. Were they always this pretty?_

Yamaguchi leaned closer to Tsukishima. Tsukishima made no move. “Tsukki.”

“Hm?”

Yamaguchi looked at his lips, sucking in a breath. “Can I?”

Tsukishima leaned in just a little bit closer, staring into Yamaguchi’s eyes. He smirked, unable to hide his blushing. “...yes.”

Yamaguchi closed the gap as their lips touched. Tsukishima linked his hand with Yamaguchi, his other hand on his cheek. Yamaguchi grinned as he bit Tsukishima’s lip. Tsukishima pulled back and scrunched his face up. Yamaguchi saw the corners of his lips tilt up a bit, and laughed. Tsukishima leaned back in.

_He’s so cool._

They kissed until Yamaguchi fell asleep.

\---

Yamaguchi woke up the next morning, Tsukishima by his side. When they got to school, Yamaguchi told Karasuno everything, with Tsukishima by his side of course. He promised them all that he would try his best to stop. After school, Tsukishima gave Yamaguchi his pills back, asking him what he wanted to do with them.

Yamaguchi smiled at Tsukishima, gave him a peck on the lips, and threw the pills in the trash.


End file.
